Being open is such a difficult thing to do in general, so posting this wasn’t easy at all. There were a lot of contemplating and deleting, and typing again – but I’ve finally got the tits to actually see my plan through.
Yesterday was my mom’s birthday. Her 9th birthday in heaven, to be exact. Yip, she’s an angel, my very own guardian. How lucky am I? She passed away when I was still very young, primary school young, so I wasn’t able to actually do anything for her on her special day, since all I cared about at that age,was myself. I know it sounds bad, but let’s be honest. I didn’t know better. I did give her a speech, you know the occasional “Happy birthday. God bless” and felt that would do it. And that’s the thing about moms, they are satisfied with just about anything and everything.
I remember this one time when I actually asked her for money, to go buy her a present. So she actually bought herself a present. LOL. Being the person that I am, I bought her a basket full of sweets and fruits – two days prior to her birthday. this basket included BANANAS! So I wrapped the basket nicely, bananas and all & I hid it in my wardrobe. Did I mention there were bananas in the basket as well? So the morning of her birthday, i was sooooo excited. Woke up early,sat on the bed waiting for her to wake up and the moment she opened her eyes, I literally shoved the present in her face. I’ll be completely honest, I was scolded first. You know how coloured moms are. *giggles*. I helped her open her gift (by helped, I mean I did it myself. She was way too slow) . I have never been more disappointed in my life. Those bananas totally betrayed me. All of them were brown and mushy! Totally eeeeew. She loved it non the less. That’s just the person she was.
She loved beyond measure and only after she was gone, did I realise just how much she really did for me. Those things you don’t know of when you’re a kid, but once you’re an adult, everything hits you. This woman went above and beyond to give me a life she never had, till this day I do not know how she pulled it off. This is my birthday letter to her, I hope this finds its way to you:
Mammie, I love you so much! Never have I loved someone so deeply. Never have I been loved so deeply. Thank you for everything. Never have I met someone such as yourself. A woman who cares so deeply for others, even more than herself. A woman who’s so goal driven. A God fearing woman. A woman who laughs through the pain and smiles through the tears. A woman who will give all she has to those in need, although she doesn’t have much herself. Your laugh could light up an entire building, I swear! I might not remember it that well anymore, but I know it was my favourite sound. You were my cheerleader. There wasn’t a time that you didn’t have my back. Your support was endless. I always complained that you expected too much from me and you push me too hard, but Mammie, today I couldn’t be more thankful! You gave me so much more than you know.
Because of you, I am the woman I always dreamed of being. A woman just like you. Thank you for showing me endless love, I can’t wait to be just as great a mom to my kids and wife to my husband. You will always be my inspiration & motivation. I will make you proud. Thank you.
Always in my heart, I love you.
So a very happy birthday in heaven mammie. I know you are always here with me.
Till we meet again,
Your little girl.